since young..you both always thought you knew what was best and good for me. I followed your way and guidance through. Study well, perform well in both academic and well being. Everything was to make you all proud and have a 'face'. Many times you compare, whoever whoever son/daughter alr in Uni, working as what what what. I could only say, ya, your daughter is a useless person nothing to my name and a single mum that is so shameful to you both and this family.
You both tried so hard to protect me. yes "protect". so much so I feel like I couldn't breathe I could die. which "normal" house would have a security camera at home? which normal house would be additionally locked at night only the parents have the additional locked key. Which parents would call up and harass friends and even bf. Even handphone, detail billing of the numbers I come in contact with. Which parent would locked the internet and allow access only 10am- 2.30am. Whenever I don't do things against your way, confiscate handphone, punished to stay at home. Until recently I found out that even my SMS copies incoming and outgoing are all sent to your email. to what extent do you wanna bring me down to?? All in the name of "LOVE"? so that I wouldn't be harmed would walked the so called "correct" path you both think it is??
Even facebook, blog, you warned me not to post anything regarding the you both or family issues. If not you will threaten to shut dunno what. it seems as though you both are making use of whatever I'm surviving on you now as a threat to get what you both want. If anything I do is not along your "correct way, correct path" it would deem as unfilial and rebellious. All of all these makes me shut away from you. It hurts.
2 comments:
maybe you should reflect on what you have done before writing this post (: I think this post hurts them too.
Yiying, I don't think you should have said what you said. Yes, Carmen may have made some mistakes in life, but who doesn't?
I don't really think it's fair of you to say what you said to Carmen, what she went through was not easy, nor trivial and I don't think she should be punished anymore by snide comments and/or judgement.
What Carmen is upset about here, that she is being treated like a child, every move being scrutinized, being grounded, even the basic privacy being invaded by having her SMSes being forwarded to her parents' email, when she's an adult.
She is simply expressing how she feels. Hurt, embarrassed, stifled.
Also, a blog is an outlet for her to vent her frustrations, confiding so she feels better, instead of bottling up her emotions and breaking down someday.
Yes, her parents might be hurt upon reading this post, but however, they too in turn, can learn and understand how Carmen throughly feels deep down.
And only by understanding Carmen, can they help her in the best ways possible.
Carmen,
I can clearly understand what you are feeling right now. I too, used to experience parental tight controls, parental blackmail, and also, comparisons.
Perhaps you could talk to your parents, as an adult, not in your position as their child. Tell them you understand that they love you, and they want to protect you from further heartbreak and hurt.
BUT, however you appreciate their efforts of love, they are also hurting you by treating you this way. Etc, lack of privacy, humiliation.
Tell them you are working hard to prove yourself to them that you are a responsible adult (eg, training in SPF), for the future so that you can support them, and your child.
Tell them how much you hurt deep inside, when they compare you to whoever's son or daughter, and you feel like you're such a loser and failure.
Finally, tell them you are an adult; and you are also a mother. Therefore, you clearly understand their efforts. However, as you are an adult, you need your freedom, and that you know what you are doing, and will not make the same mistakes again.
I hope this helps. Stay strong! ♥
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